i cant focus on the good things going on my life. why?. because there arent any. i fucked up too much already in my near 17 years of life. i realize my wrongs. i am a big problem. i smoke pot. it makes me happy. leo is my best friend. if it wasnt for him, id probably have done things even worse than what i have already done. i am sensitive. i am not a girl. music makes me happy.it seems as if i cant be trusted. was i wrong at homecoming? i know i overreacted. i am stupid. i fucked up really bad. i cant take this anymore. i feel like its impossible for me to do anything right. am i that fucking stupid?! ive waited for the right girl to come around and when she did, i ruined everything because of stupidity. I AM FUCKING STUPID! i ruin peoples lives. i am a fuck up and its nobody elses fault but mine.i need to grow up. i need to change my ways. its 9:42 and we arent talking. it really makes me sad.i love you. im crying. ill do anything to fix my mistakes. i told you its a promise. no more arguing. why did you leave me. i was sorry. i didnt wanna let go. please come back in my life. we belong together. i love you even if you dont love me. it sucks that it had to come to this for me to realize that i need a change. i am not the same person i used to be. please dont hate me, please.
once again...i really love kristen alot...anyways...just thought id start off on that note...as you may have possibly seen already...ive updated all of my journals...i was washing dishes earlier and some soap splashed in my eye...that happened like 15 minutes ago...IT STILL BURNS!...i rinsed it with water but it still kinda hurts...im trying not to blink...shit sucks...i talked to my mother and she is leaving around 12...shes not leaving at 12...when my mom gives a time when shes leaving...i always add a couple of hours to it...she kinda lags...but yea...im guessing that they are gonna be back at around 8...thats almost tiite...but yea...im gonna go clean up some stuff...maybe ill write more later...1
OOOOOH FUCK YEA!!!!...*ak-hem*...hello mother fuckers..how are you?!...anyways...i felt like writing today...somerset is wacccccck...weed is good!...ryan is a good friend of mine...leo is my hero...george is a scumbag....thats it
i decided to write on this piece of shit again cuz ive been really bored...but yea...hmmm yea...nothin really...sunken city is tiite...i miss kristen...and yea..thats about it tho...nothing too interesting...goodbye.
Call me a pussy if you want...i dont give a fuck what you label me...emo...pansy, i dont give a fuck...im putting this on here kristen cuz i know you will see it...whoever else sees it, think what the fuck you want...it doesnt even matter...i want everyone to know how i truly feel about kristen and i dont care who knows it...im not embarrased to show how i really feel...kristen...i am putting this on here, first cuz i dont know your email address and second...i kno you will come to this site cuz u are live journal master...
i really fucking miss you!...i never thought that i ever miss a girl this much and its all my fucking fault...i miss everything about you...you are the only girl for me...i failed to see how much you meantsto me and how happy you made me...i keep thinking about all of the good times that me and you shared and i now realize how much im gonna miss that and how much those times meant to me...i NEED another chance with you...i cant take it...it hurts me so much to think how bad its gonna be without you...seriously...i know i fucked up and i just want one more chance...it sucks that it had to come down to something like this to make me realize what i actually had...i had the best girlfriend a guy could ever have but i took it for granted...i fucking broke down when you told me that you didnt wanna be with me...i dont want this to be the end.
This is exactly how i feel...
"Part Of My Past"
Make this ride as fast as I can Tonight this road home feels a little longer I hope you know that you were my best friend Tonight I said goodbye, but I should have said more Thanks for the best time of my life. Come home, now that you're gone I've finally realized That you were the best Come home, I won't forget the times that we had I'm wishing that you weren't a part of my past Emptiness swallows this town From now on I will be alone for good Will you remember my name? I'm hoping that I will hear from you soon Thank you for everything Come home, now that you're gone I've finally realized That you were the best Come home, I won't forget the times that we had So please don't be a part of my past
please dont be in my past...i want you now, in the present and in the future...FOREVER!...i belong with you and you belong with me...i know how bad i fucked up and im sorry...i dont wanna lose somebody as priceless as you...i want to be there for you...i want to share more good times with you...i just cant believe how stupid i was to do what i did...it kills me to think about all the great times we spent together...it fucking tears me apart...it feels like a part of me died cuz i know that you arent gonna forgive me and we cant share any more good moments...i loved being able to make you laugh with our little mistkaes we would make...full 360, goorvy, THE RICK!...i loved that...i loved being able to make you laugh...i love you...i miite not show it in person...but believe me, i feel it...i cant be without you...its just not crackin without you...ive been so depressed lately cuz i kno that IM THE ONE that fucked and i know that im the one to blame...all i ask for is one more chance...just one more...i cant deal with you not being in my life anymore...you were the best girlfriend ever and i failed to notice that until now...i want to be able to laugh and joke with you again...i want you back...i believe i can right my wrongs and make everything all better between me and you...please i just want one more chance...one more is all i ask and i PROMISE that everything will be different and that everything will be good with me and you...i will do whatever it fucking takes to get you back...WHATEVER IT FUCKING TAKES!...i truly do love you kristen, i really do...and i mean it from the bottom of my heart...please forgive me and give me one more chance...i rarley get what i want...but please give me this one.